'Tis yet an Embrio, and there are divers Opinions about the Birth of it. Some expect it will fpring from his wife Noddle, like Minerva from the Head of Jupiter, and work Wonders. Others, that it will refemble Milton's Figure of Sin coming from the Brain of the Father of Lies. Then, fay they, it will damn its Parent's Reputation. But moft are of Opinion, that my Brother has no Reputation to lofe, and therefore the Brat will be ftill-born. Tis poffible alfo, he may mifcarry of his fecond Epiftle to Mr. Pope, though James Moore Smythe, Efq; is to officiate Man-Midwife.

When a Man of Quality is diftinguished for a Wit, or an Encourager of it, I endeavour to ftrike him for a Dedication; but I have generally been fo unhappy as to difguft my Patrons, by praifing them in the wrong Place. For want of being acquainted with polite Life, I have unwittingly com plimented a Perfon for an illuftrious Birth, who really owed his rife entirely to his Merit. Thus have I caufed his Enemies to fneer, and, perhaps, to libel him for my fquab Compliment; when had I left him to his Choice, he had rather chofe my Satire than my Panegyric.

Holis es I am as famous as one of the Suitors in Homer's Odyssey, for dead-born Fests. Many a Sonnet of mine, and feveral Bouts Rimez that were filled up by me, has Moore read, with his ufual Modefty, at White's and the Drawing-Room, for his own; but as they were mere Slips of my Pen, and could be of no Advantage to iny Reputation, (low as it stands) I am contented to humour his Vanity, and forbear to claim them. I affifted in a pretty Play of Words on the Letter P, and the Advertisement of the Lady's Writing-Defk. Soon after I chopp'd Sides, and wrote the Dumpling, the Verfes on the Norfolk Lantborn, Robin's Reigu, Robin's Game, The Fall of Martimer, and many other

2 liftory of the Norfolk

popular

popular Libels on Perfons who leaft deferved them; but the Reafon of that was, becaufe they were of the Ministry.

Now is the Seffion of Parliament, and the Poetical Is muft give Way to the Political. Confequently the Affairs of State (as Abel in the Play of the Committee obferves) will lie heavy upon my Neck and Shoulders. It is a Cuftom among great Generals to fend Spies into an Enemy's Camp; and among Politicians, to employ them in foreign Courts. I have therefore (as I am determined to oppose the Miniftry) fettled a fecret Correfpondence with feve ral Gentlemen of the Party-coloured Cloth; Men of Dignity! fuch as have no lefs an Honour than that of holding a Plate in the Prefence of fome certain Knights of the Blue Ribbon. My Bribe is a Pot of Ale, and my Intelligence the Scraps of Converfation that fall at the Table of great Minifters. By thefe I am enabled to difcufs the Matters in Debate at the Houfe of Commons, and the Congrefs of Soiffons, to ftate the Debts of the Nation,

to arraConduct of those at the Helm, and

to hold the Balance of Europe, with as much Eafe as a Monkey does a Chefnut, in my own Paw..

The Time has been, when, after an Evening's hard Boofing, my Brother Bards (who have been what we call feedy, or Crop-fick) have bilked the publick Houfe, and barbarously left me in Pawn for the Reckoning, On this Emergency I have written an Account of a sharp and bloody Fight; a Vifion in the Air, or a Wonderful Prophecy to be hawked about the Streets: And (would you believe it?) even these Productions of mine have paffed for defigned Wit, and I have filently fneered, to find the Merit of them claimed and boafted of by Jemmy Moore.

I have fometimes taken it in my Head, that I might make a Fortune by writing for the Stage. As a Proof that I have an excellent Tafte, I always de

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fpifed

fpifed the Tragedies of Shakespeare, Otway, Young, and Thomfon; and preferred with Admiration a certain Perfon's Operas at the Hay-Market. I wonder that the Succefs of the latter fhould be applied to Mr. Handel's Mufic, or the Performances of Senefino, Fauftina, and Cutzoni: The Town in this have been fhamefully blind to the Merit, of that Gentleman. He has followed the Ancients fo clofely in the Propriety of his Conduct, the Unity of his Characters, the natural Variety of Paffions, the Strength of Sentiment, and the Elegance of Diction, that I here invite him to join with me in an English Tragedy on an Opera Plan.

If the Gentleman thinks this too arduous an Undertaking, let us venture at a lower Caft! Without any Recourfe to Wit, Humour, Natural Dialogue, Songs aptly introduced, or any other of thofe Trifles with which the Beggar's Opera abounds, we have one fure Comfort; that is, we cannot fall thort of many late Performances of that Kind, nor be excelled by Roome and his led Captain Concanen. Roome cannot excel me, unless he excels himfelf.

I have tried all Means (but that which Fools call honeft ones) for a Livelihood. I offered my Service for a fecret Spy to the State, but had not Credit enough even for that. When it was indeed very low with me, I printed Propofals for a Subfcription to my Works, received Money, and gave Receipts, without any Intention of delivering the Book. Tho I have been notoriously prophane, and was never at an Univerfity, I once aimed to be admitted into Orders; but being obliged to abfcond lately from the Parifh-Officers, on account of a Baftard Child, and falling befides into an unlucky Salivation, my Character was fo fcandalous, that I could not prevail even on the loweft of the Fleet-Prifon Parfons to fign my Teftimonials.

My

AUTHOR TO BE LET.

229

My laft Attempt was to have been a travelling tor to c young Gentleman. If I am deficient in Claffic Learning, I could yet have inftructed him in the Laws of his own Country; for though I never ftudied Coke upon Littleton, yet I have converfed with Bailiffs and petty-fogging Attornies nay, I have conned over the Abridgments of Giles Jacob; I could alfo have read him Lectures of Politics from Effays of my own in Weekly Journals. What, though I wanted Knowledge to make, Differtations upon the Languages, Manners, Hiftories, Statues, Coms, Paintings, Architecture, or any other Curiofities, ancient or modern, of foreign Climes? What, though I could not have traced out any one Country in a Map? Could I not have pillaged Voyage-Writers, and have taken the Reports of Inn-keepers or Poftillions, to have told where there were good Wine, good Beds, buxom Girls, and tall Steeples Few foreign Tutors understand the dead Languages; but if they play at Cards, dance, talk of Things they never faw; or, having feen, could not understand; if they put on the fwaggering Air of Half-pay Captains, and fwear French military Oaths with a bon Grace, will they not pafs for Men of Wit, Experience and Knowledge? Ifhould have made a very fashionable Tutor, I would have fpirited up my Pupil to run away with a Nun; and, if he aimed at fmaller Game, not fcrupled being Pimp. I have ftudied Phyfic under the Anadyne Necklace Doctor, and would have prepared and exported a whole Cargo of Anti-venereal Pills for his Safety. No one, I am perfuaded, will blame me if I took this Opportunity of feathering my own Neft. I fhould perhaps have made him pay Ten per Cent. for his own Money, when I difburfed it, and a Guinea on many Occafions for his Honour, Twenty Shillings of which I might have put in my own Pocket. Who knows but I might

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have

A

have married fome rich Widow, by fecuring my Pupil for one of her Daughters? I would have contrived he fhould have ftolen the young Lady to avoid paying her Fortune. If this Scheme failed, I had another, for which I am afraid I might have been a little cenfured; it was only to have fet him at a Gaming-Table (when abroad) for about a thoufand Pounds, and afterwards gone Snacks with the Sharpers. But on fecond Thoughts, where had been the Hurt? When returned, and at Age, I could eafily have made him Amends, by negotiating a Mortgage, or the Sale of a Reverfion for him with honeft Ch-rt-r-s.

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Thus, though I had but a hundred a Year, and for no more than two or three Years Service, I could retire to Switzerland, or Wales, with about Fifteen Hundred Pounds in my Pocket, and an Annuity of Fifty Pounds per Annum for Life. In fuch a Retirement I fhould have fat down to writing an Account of my Travels. When thofe were finished, by carefully extracting from Gazettes, I fhould have been able to have left my Executors the Memoirs of my own Times; then would I have indulged my Spleen against the prefent Minifters for neglecting. to gratify my Merit., It is dangerous to anger a Poet or Hiftorian.

I obferved at the Head of this Letter, that I have a Drollery in my, Countenance; Egad! it is as pe culiar a one as Roome's. We are fo alike, that before he fcribbled himself into Preferment, we have actually been mistaken for each other. Our Looks are fo happy, as to have paffed off many a Saying in Converfation for Wit and Humour, that, when publifhed, has been thought flat: Nay, the fame Thing has been faid of me, as was uttered by a certain Wit (one very different from our Rank) on him, viz. that the R-g's Misfortune is, he cannoś print his Face to his Joke.

"

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