called up the Shades of Sejanus, Buckingham, and Wolfey, to compare them to one who mortifies me by laughing at the Comparison? How long fhall I ftill prefs on one, whom I continually call Stateplunderer, and wicked Minifter? Perhaps till the World will maliciously liken me to a Taylor's Goofe +, which is at once hot and heavy. Rather than stand out of Play, I have penned Panegyricks in Mift or Fog on Rich's Pantomimes, and Theobald's ShakeSpeare Reftored. I am always lifted by Mr. Lun the Harlequin, to hifs the firft Night at any of the Drury-Lane Performances. Sometimes I draw up Challenges for the Champions of Mr. Figg's Amphitheatre, and fometimes for the Difputants of Mr. Henley's Oratory.

I have an excellent Knack at Birth-day Odes, Elegies, Acrofticks,Anagrams, Epithalamiums, Prologues, Recommendatory Poems, Rhimes for Almanack-Makers, and witty Diftichs for the Signs of Country-inns and Ale-houses. When with an audible Voice I fpout forth my own Verfes, marvellous is their Effect! The very Bell-man has been touched with Envy An Author, who like Mr. Ralph, has diftinguished himself by Night the Shrillnefs of my clamorous, dunning Landlady has been charmed into a ftill Attention! Nay, the very Bailiff, in act to rush upon me, has ftopp'd fhort to liften, and for a Minute fufpended the rapacious Palm that was to fall upon my Shoulders!

I have well perufed the Writings of Luke Milbourn, Shadwell, Settle, Blackmire, and many others of our Stamp, notable for falt Wit upon Dryden. From these I have extracted curious Hints to affit Welfted in his new Satire against Pope, which was once (he told me) to have been christened Labes.

+ A Comparison of Dr. 'outh's.

*Author of a Poem called Night.

VOL. III.

e

'Tis

"'l'is yet an Embrio, and there are divers Opinions about the Birth of it. Some expect it will spring from his wife Noddle, like Minerva from the Head of Jupiter, and work Wonders. Others, that it will refemble Milton's Figure of Sin coming from the Brain of the Father of Lies. Then, fay they it will damn its Parent's Reputation. But most are of Opinion, that my Brother has no Reputation to lofe, and therefore the Brat will be ftill-born. 'Tis poffible alfo, he may miscarry of his fecond Epiftle to Mr. Pope, though James Moore Smythe, Efq. is to officiate Man-Mid-wife.

When a Man of Quality is diftinguished for a Wit, or an Encourager of it, I endeavour to strike him for a Dedication; but I have generally been fo unhappy as to difguft my Patrons, by praifing them in the Wrong Place. For want of being acquainted with_polite Life, I have unwittingly complimented a Perfon for an illuftrious Birth, who really owed his Rife entirely to his Merit. Thus have I caufed his Enemies to fneer, and, perhaps, to libel him for my fquab Compliment; when, had I left him to his Choice, he had rather chofe my Satire than my Panegyrick.

I am as famous as one of the Suitors in Homer's Odyfey, for dead-born Jefts. Many a Sonnet of mine, and feveral Bouts Rimez that were filled up by me, has Moore read, with his usual Modefty, at White's and the Drawing-Room, for his own; but as they were mere Slips of my Pen, and could be of no Advantage to my Reputation (low as it ftands) I am contented to humour his Vanity, and forbear to claim them I affifted in a pretty Play of Words on the Letter P, and the Advertisement of the Lady's Writing-Defk. Soon after I chopp'd Sides, and wrote the Hiftory of the Norfolk Dumpling, the Verfes on the Norfolk Lanthorn, Robin's Reign, Robin's Game, The Fall of Mortimer, and many other

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popular Libels on Perfons who leaft deferved them but the Reason of that was, because they were of the Ministry.

T

Now is the Seffion of Parliament, and the Poetical Quarrels must give way to the Political. Confequently the Affairs of State (as Abel in the Play of the Committee obferves) will lie heavy upon my Neck and Shoulders. It is a Custom among great Generals to fend Spies into an Enemy's Camp, and among Politicians, to employ them in foreign Courts. I have therefore (as I am determined to oppose the Ministry) fettled a fecret Correfpondence with feveral Gentlemen of the Party-coloured Cloth; Men of Dignity! fuch as have no lefs an Honour than that of holding a Plate in the Presence of some certain Knights of the Blue Ribbon. My Bribe is a Pot of Ale, and my Intelligence the Scraps of Converfation that fall at the Table of great Minifters. By these I am enabled to difcufs the Matters in Debate at the House of Commons, and the Congrefs of Soiffons, to ftate the Debts of the Nation, to arraign the Conduct of thofe at the Helm, and to hold the Balance of Europe, with as much Ease as a Monkey does a Chefnut, in my own Paw.

The Time has been, when, after an Evening's hard Boofing, my Brother Bards (who have been what we call feedy, or crop-fick) have bilked the publick House, and barbaroufly left me in Pawn for the Reckoning. On this Emergency I have written an Account of a sharp and bloody Fight; a Vifion in the Air, or a Wonderful Prophecy to be hawked about the Streets: And (would you believe it?) even these Productions of mine have paffed for defigned Wit, and I have filently fneered, to find the Merit of them claimed and boasted of by Jemmy Moore.

I have fometimes taken it in my Head, that I might make a Fortune by writing for the Stage. As a Proof that I have an excellent Tafte, I always de

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spised the Tragedies of Shakespeare, Otway, Young, and Thomfon; and preferred with Admiration a certain Perfon's Operas at the Hay-Market. I wonder that the Succefs of the latter fhould be applied to Mr. Handell's Mufick, or the Performances of Senefino, Fauftina, and Cutzoni: The Town in this have been thamefully blind to the Merit of that Gentleman. He has followed the Ancients so closely in the Propriety of his Conduct, the Unity of his Characters, the natural Variety of Paffions, the Strength of Sentiment, and the Elegance of Diction, that I here invite him to join with me in an English Tragedy on an Opera Plan.

If the Gentleman thinks this too arduous an Undertaking, let us venture at a lower Caft! without any Recourse to Wit, Humour, Natural Dialogue, Songs aptly introduced, or any other of thofe Trifles with which the Beggar's Opera abounds, we have one fure Comfort; that is, we cannot fall fhort of many late Performances of that Kind, nor be excelled by Roome and his Led Captain Concanen. Roome cannot excel me, unless he excels himself.

I have tried all Means (but that which Fools call honeft ones) for a Livelihood. I offered my Service for a fecret Spy to the State; but had not Credit enough even for that. When it was indeed very low with me, I printed proposals for a Subscription to my Works, received Money, and gave Receipts, without any Intention of delivering the Book. Though I have been notoriously prophane, and was never at an University, I once aimed to be admitted into Orders; but being obliged to abfcond lately from the Parish-Officers, on account of a Bastard Child, and falling befides into an unlucky Salivation, my Character was fo fcandalous, that I could not prevail even on the loweft of the Fleet-Prifon Parsons to fign my Testimonials.

My

My laft Attempt was to have been a travelling Tutor to fome young Gentleman. If I am deficient in Claffick Learning, I could yet have inftructed him in the Laws of his own Country; for though. I never ftudied Coke upon Littleton, yet I have converfed with Bailiffs and petty-fogging Attornies; nay, I have conned over the Abridgments of Giles Jacob; I could also have read him Lectures of Politicks from Effays of my own in Weekly Journals. What, though I wanted Knowledge to make Differtations upon the Languages, Manners, Hiftories," Statues, Coins, Paintings, Architecture, or any other Curiofities, ancient or modern, of foreign Climes? What, though I could not have traced out any one Country in a Map? could I not have pillaged Voyage-Writers, and have taken the Reports of Inn-keepers or Poftillions, to have told where there were good Wine, good Beds, buxom Girls, and tall Steeples? Few foreign Tutors understand the dead Languages; but if they play at Cards, dance, talk of Things they never faw; or, having feen, could not understand; if they put on the fwaggering Air of Half-pay Captains, and fwear French military Oaths with a bon Grace, will they not pass for Men of Wit, Experience and Knowledge? I fhould have made a very fashionable Tutor, I would have fpirited up my Pupil to run away with a Nun; and, if he aimed at fmaller Game, not fcrupled being Pimp. I have studied Phyfick under the Anodyne Necklace Doctor, and would have prepared and exported a whole Cargo of Anti-venereal Pills for his Safety. No one, I am perfuaded, will blame me if I took this Opportunity of feathering my own Neft. I fhould perhaps have made him pay Ten per Cent. for his own Money, when I difburfed it, and a Guinea on many Occafions for his Honour; Twenty Shillings of which I might have put in my own Pocket. Who knows but I might

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