Jesus, and he will cover you from your foes, and keep you as in the hollow of his hand! His tenderness and kindness to his people are more than we can conceive. O Jesus, what in thy love possess we not! Cast all your cares upon him; spread all your wants before him; and he will guide and comfort you here, and fix you at last in never ending joys, unspeakable and full of glory. I hope Lady G. will not be long from you, nor suffer by her labour of love to the old man. May the Lord give him his soul for a prey! May we improve to the utmost the years, months, or days, that shall yet be allowed us, and at last have an abundant entrance ministered unto us into the everlasting kingdom of our God and Saviour. Till then I remain my dear daughter's affectionate parent in the Lord, D. M. TO LADY H. HOPE. March 16, 1782. From my feelings, both asleep and awake, for some time past I suspected my dear daughter was not well, either in body or mind, or both; and her letter of yesterday confirms my suspicions. What a mercy that all our trials, in soul and body, are under the direction of a God of love, the Father of our beloved Saviour, in whom we are, through abounding mercy, accepted. We have reason, then, to trust all shall be overruled for our good, however in the meantime painful, if we are not giving way to any thing contrary to the world and will of God. We cannot cleave too closely to Christ, nor believe too firmly upon him, nor expect too much from him. "If our heart condemn us not, then have we confidence toward God." But the prevalence of temptation, as well as sin, will weaken this confidence: and it is highly needful, for our own peace, to advert to this circumstance. They err greatly who make either duties or frames the foundation of their acceptance with God: yet the former is indispensably necessary, and the latter is very desirable—is our privilege, and is also evidential of a thriving soul. Many of the children of God sink into a careless and supine spirit by paying too little regard to their frames, when, perhaps, they only desire to be preserved from building upon them: hereby Satan lays a snare for them, which they fall into unawares. But from this my dear daughter, I trust, will be saved, and from every other a snare of the enemy, and thus be kept by the power of God, through faith, unto full salvation. Nervous complaints much depress the mind. I had intended to be out at this time, but a new cold, and the severity of the weather, have made me unwillingly give up the thoughts of it: from your situation I should be thoughtful whether it be proper for you either; this is a very trying month. May the Lord direct you! and, whether at home or abroad, may he enliven and refresh you with the smiles of his reconciled Countenance. I have hopes that the Lord has heard my repeated cries to TO LADY H HOPE D. M. March 29, 1782. My last was sealed and sent to town before your servant called. I see by your short letter you are in heaviness through manifold temptations. As to your apprehensions about Lady G. I believe it is a device of Satan to distress you, and think you should strive against it.* But as nothing happens to the children of God, whether joyous or grievous, but from which he means they should reap benefit—it might turn out to your spiritual advantage if you would carry it frequently to the Lord, and endeavour to plead earnestly that the end he has in view, by permitting it, may be fully answered. This might be the means of your obtaining entire victory, if it be a temptation and supposing the worst, still this is the best way to get the mind comforted, fortified, and sweetly reconciled to the divine will. O what cannot the power of grace effect in the human heart? It can make us even rejoice to give up our Isaacs when called to it. Believe this firmly, and then you will so trust in the Lord as not to be afraid of evil tidings; your heart will be fixed. We should be much aware of anticipating evil, it is fraught with many hurtful consequences; it embitters present enjoyments; it weakens faith, love, trust; it grieves the Holy Spirit, nourishes unbelief, and leads to discontent. Do you not remember how strongly you were tempted, some years ago, to believe your own death was at hand the impression, you said, was strong, but you said afterward that it was only temptation. If we have a friend that we can trust, it is of great use to mention our temptations; this is often, by the blessing of the Lord, made the means of breaking their power. I know this by experience. May you prove it so at present! Your affectionate parent, 1. M. The following extracts from the diary will enable the reader to form a proper estimate of the state of her ladyship's mind and heart at the close of this year :— 66 September 25. In the course of these last two weeks I have felt variously. I have, at times, had seasons of refreshing; * A fear that her friend was about to be removed by death. sweet proofs that God is the hearer of prayer. I have had strong desires after entire devotedness of heart and life to God; have been drawn out to plead for the full accomplishment of the promises in my own soul, with much longing for that happy time; and have waited for it with a degree of fainting, because so long deferred. I have thought, surely the promises of a faithful God cannot fail; yet, wherefore is it so long before he appears in my behalf? I have feared lest I had any sinful hand in it, and have been grieved because I seem to live to so little purpose; doing so little for God, for others, or for myself. I have hoped that every returning day would make a happy change. I have been happy when any opportunity was put in my power of doing good, and rejoiced as one that found great spoil: though even herein, upon a strict scrutiny, I have been very unfaithful. In short, I am a mystery to myself; and were it not that I have the express promise of a faithful God, on which to depend for a great increase in my own soul and for an enlarged sphere of usefulness, I should almost despair of things being better with me than they are at present. But surely the heavens and the earth shall sooner fail than one word that he hath spoken fall to the ground. Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief. "October 11. Still I have much cause to say, 'My leanness, my leanness. Yet, I must also say, I have much cause to record the loving kindness of the Lord. Since my last date, my visits from on high have been more frequent. I have felt more sweetness flowing from a sense of the presence of Christ, who has been very near and precious. O were he always thus with me, heaven, in one sense, would be complete! He is my all in all. The Lord has greatly enlarged my sphere of usefulness in a way I did not expect; and at first I felt a degree of reluctance, fearing my unfaithfulness: but I am now sweetly reconciled to it, and have cause to praise the Lord, who has strengthened me to do what he called me to, and what I feared. O for a grateful heart! He gives me also to feel, in the present case, that the way of duty is the way not only of safety, but of comfort and strength. He does all things well. He has laid his hand gently upon my body, and again removed the rod, and disappointed my fears. He has also refreshed my spirits by good accounts from afar; from a very particular friend, who, I hope, has been his mouth to me. Lord, thou knowest I would not willingly mistake the way in which thou wouldst have me to walk. I look to thee to confirm this matter to me, that I may rest assured I am doing what is well pleasing to thee. I have this day, (Friday,) as usual, renewed my engagements to be the Lord's; though not with all that life and joy I aim at, yet with more sweetness than usual. I feel strong desires to live up to them, to the very utmost; and this for the sake of others, as well as myself. Lord, do thou enable me to be faithful. 25. Still, because my God is good, I experience in a measure his loving kindness. In the course of these two weeks he has been gracious to me in various ways: he has carried me through trials; strengthened me for doing and suffering his will; made me feel more profit and comfort from the word preached than for some time before; given me to experience more emptiness in the creature than usual; and also made me willing it should be so, if he saw meet, provided I might enjoy a proportionable sweetness in himself. He has strengthened my body to undergo more fatigue than usual, without being hurt by it. He has made me also to feel how good it is for me to make all my wants known to him by prayer; with all my hopes, fears, and desires; for I keep nothing from my God. He more and more leads me in this way, and I praise him for it. O the privilege of prayer! He also tenderly warns me when danger is near, and causes me to cry to himself. "November 9. I again take up my pen to testify of the goodness of my God. Since my last date he has given refreshing seasons, sometimes in public, sometimes in secret, and sensibly assisted me in family duties. He has permitted me to be brought into any difficulties, in order to show his power in supporting me under them, and his goodness in delivering me from them. I have met with most unexpected trials within these two weeks, and have been driven, in some measure, into extremity; but this hath been the Lord's opportunity. I cried unto him, and he kept my mind stayed upon himself. In the midst of various trials he has made me sit calm on tumult's wheel. From the comfort I felt, I doubted trials were at hand: it proved. so, but I also proved the Lord a strong hold in the day of trouble. Nature felt and suffered, but grace sustained the conflict. He gave me to feel composure, serenity, and comfort in his house of prayer. O that it may be a prelude to greater enjoyments! But he makes me more and more sensible I am nothing, and have nothing but what he bestows; and this keeps me dependent upon himself, for which I praise him. He also still shows me what I lack, but surrounds me with promises for all I can stand in need of. I will extol thee, O God, my King, for ever and ever while I have a being I will praise my God. 66 21. Gardiner's-hall. I left Saughton-hall the 14th, a place where the Lord permitted me to be tried with great and sore inward conflicts, but out of which he also, in a great measure, delivered me; a place wherein he gave me, in much mercy, to know him times without number as a God that heareth prayer, both for myself and others. He also afforded frequent opportunities of attempting to do good to others, by having the gospel preached in my house, by the distribution of religious tracts among the people, and by conversing with many individuals upon the concerns of their immortal souls. However feeble the attempts, if the Lord give his blessing, they shall not be in vain. Saughton-hall was a place to which I was much attached, but when the Lord called me to leave it he enabled me cheerfully to give it up, and perhaps I may see more clearly afterward his reasons for calling me out of it: at present, I am satisfied with my situation. His presence constitutes my heaven in every place. May he enable me to love him more and serve him better in this place than ever I have yet done. Then I shall indeed have reason to praise him for the change. I have much cause to bless him for carrying me through much hurry, fatigue, and a variety of scenes, without suffering by it; and for giving me, since I came here, health of body, intercourse with his people, the privilege of repeatedly entering his house of prayer, and also some opportunities of acting for him, though my spiritual comforts have not been so great. 66 December 19. (Friday.) Words fail to express my obligations to the Lord. Since Wednesday, last week, I have had gracious seasons, both when alone and when with others. When Jesus smiles, my heaven is begun; and of late he has been present and precious. He is the sacred source from whence spring my chief joys. I long to prove his utmost salvation, and fulness of love; to be lost in that ocean of love that neither knows bottom nor shore. 66 22. This also has been a precious day. My fellowship has been with the Father and the Son from morning to night.' I have felt wrapped up in Jesus, and proved him such a source of calm repose as I cannot easily express. How poor and trifling does all created good appear when thus highly favoured of God! He in mercy keeps me keenly sensible of my weakness, while he lets me feel where my strength lies, and makes me aware of my danger. As it respects spiritual pride, my soul trembles at the thought. I fly to the feet of Jesus, and there I am safe." CHAPTER XVIII.-1783. Diary and correspondence continued. January 3. My God has seen meet to conduct me to the beginning of a new year, and with an unusual measure of bodily health. I was enabled to wait upon him in public very late on the last night of the last year, and early on the first day of this; neither of which I had been privileged to do for many years. A painful languor has rested on my mind for some little time. I have no condemnation, but experience a keen conviction of my want of more spiritual life. I see and feel the necessity of drawing near to God. Indeed he has so moulded my spirit that, if I do not enjoy comfort in him, I cannot find it in any thing else. Long |