She never, indeed, questioned the reality of this Divine change; though the retrospect of this period, at the time of her publication (shortly before her death, and several years after the date of her letter) discovered to her, that her views had not been at their commencement sufficiently grounded upon that sense of universal guilt and helplessness, which prostrates the sinner at the foot of the cross, simply dependent upon a free salvation. 1 No doubt, also, the near and realized prospect of eternity brought with it a more vivid and distinct perception of the imperfections of her former attainments.

Few additional memorials are preserved of her early years. About the age of ten she was sent to a boarding-school, where her religious impressions were further cherished by the familiar exhortations of the husband of her preceptress, and by social intercourse with her young companions, who were living under the practical influence of their course of Christian instruction. At the age of twelve, her delicate health occasioned her removal from school; and remaining at home with her parents, she enjoyed with them the rich and responsible privilege of the ministry of the late Rev. Samuel Crowther, vicar of Christ Church, Newgate-street, an eminent "watchman of Ephraim, now with God." 2

1 Test of Truth, pp. 60.

2 Hosea ix. 8.

CHAPTER II.

HER RELAPSE INTO INFIDELITY.

ABOUT the age of seventeen, Miss Graham's mind underwent a most extraordinary revolution. She fell, for a few months, from the heavenly atmosphere of communion with God, into the dark and dreary regions of infidelity. Allusion has already been made to this afflicting circumstance, in her letter.1 But for a most interesting and graphic detail, the reader must be referred to her own published account; 2 some digest of which will here be given, in order to connect the thread of her history, and to exhibit a clear view of one of the most important eras in her life.

Miss Graham's intellectual character opened in a metaphysical form-unfavourable to a simple

1 'She had forsaken him more than once,'—evidently includes a reference to this history. In the recollection however of her complete restoration, she added-'He has never suffered her quite’— (i. e. altogether and finally) to depart from Him.' 2 Test of Truth, page 59, &c.

reception of truth. Its connection with a defective apprehension of her lost estate, induced a spirit of self-dependence-one of the most subtle and successful hindrances to the Christian life. This appears to have led the way to a secret habit of backsliding from God. Other sources of selfgratification were resorted to with the fruitless attempt of obtaining peace in a course of departure from God. Wearied at length with disappointment, this prodigal child "began to be in want; " and many a wishful eye did she cast towards the rich provision of her father's forsaken house.' turning, however, to religion for comfort, she found, to use her own words,- Alas! I had no religion : I had refused to give glory to the Lord my God; now my feet were left to stumble upon the dark mountains.' 2

In

The doctrine of the Divinity of Christ had often been to her, (as to many other minds cast into the same mould) an occasion of perplexity. Now it was a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offence." Though repeated examination had fully satisfied her that it was the truth of the Bible; yet so repulsive was it to her proud heart, that she was led from thence to question the truth of the Bible itself. 'I suspected '-said she-that a system of religion, which involved such apparent absurdities, could not possibly come from God. Determining to sift

1 Luke xv. 14, 17.

? Test of Truth, p. 62.

the matter to the utmost, I eagerly acquainted myself with the arguments for and against Christianity. My understanding was convinced that the Scriptures were Divine. But my heart refused to receive the conviction. The more my reason was compelled to assent to their truth, the more I secretly disliked the doctrines of the Bible.''

Continued resistance to convictions was the natural and melancholy result of this inquiry. She determined to lay the subject aside for a while, still 'persuading herself that there must be flaws in the evidence of so strange a history,' which only her want of maturity of judgment, prevented her from discovering. Those early religious impressions, that usually form a bulwark against infidelity, in her case proved a stumbling-block to her faith. Ignorant of the native bias of her heart against the Gospel, she considered them as the effect of prejudice, before her mind had been intelligently informed or exercised. She now, therefore, determined to burst her chains, and to think and examine for herself.

Hitherto she had confined her perplexities within her own bosom; partly dreading the influence of external bias, and partly fearing to infuse into another's mind doubts concerning a book, which, she could not conceal from herself, might after all be true. She endeavoured now to strengthen her

1 Test of Truth, pp. 62, 63.

mind by following a course of intellectual study, with the direct design of preserving herself from becoming a dupe to "cunningly devised fables." And here she did not fail subsequently to acknowledge the special forbearance and wisdom of her Heavenly Father. Justly might he have deprived her of that reason, which she had so presumptuously set up in his own place. Yet was he pleased to overrule this waywardness of his child as an ultimate means of her restoration, in applying her course of mental discipline to the effectual discovery of the fallacies with which she was now deluded.

The immediate effect however of these studies was decidedly injurious. Their absorbing interest diverted her mind from the main subject of inquiry; while they proved also a temporary refuge against the uneasy disturbance of her conscience. Even her intervals of reflection were too easily soothed by the indefinite postponement of the great con"a more convenient season." Occasional convictions were indeed felt; but without any permanent or practical influence.

cern to

Through the Divine mercy this state of infatuation did not prove of long duration. After a few months' captivity, she was brought, though not without severe conflict of mind to the full light and liberty of Scriptural truth. The conviction of the being of a God, in her darkest moments, had never wholly forsaken her. A few hours' contemplation of the starry heavens darted into her mind