CHAPTER II.

Importance of a kind and amiable Temper and
Deportment.

WITHOUT a good temper you can neither enjoy a pleasing situation, nor support an inconvenient one. Without good nature there may be many valuable qualities; but they would be all gladly exchanged for that sweetness of disposition which compensates for a thousand defects. With this engaging quality, the attentions which have been recommended will be so far from being impracticable, that they will be, as it were, spontaneously produced; or if there be an occasional failure, the omission will be kindly interpreted. It will be attributed to want of thought, rather than to anything of a more reprehensible nature.

The improvement of our temper is a thing

not so much out of our power as is commonly supposed. The general idea is, that good temper is a certain gift of nature, like beauty; which a man cannot have unless he is born with it. It must be confessed that some seem formed, from their very birth, to be the delight of the human kind in this respect; and that others again seem to have brought into the world with them an unhappiness of temper which seems incapable of amelioration. The generality of mankind, however, are not found in these extremes. The temper of most people is made up of a mixture of good and bad. The character of the person, in point of temper, is denominated from that quality which has the ascendency.

The predominance of a condemnable temper is not to be charged wholly to the circumstances that excite it, but in part to the not imposing on ourselves that discipline which counteracts the influence of those circumstances which tend to deprave

the temper. That the good in our temper may prevail, is a most desirable thing; and this desirable thing is attainable. Now, if interest may be allowed to second the voice of duty, hear what it says to the wedded pair: "If you wish to render your union delightful in all situations, and to relish it to the very last, seek the improvement of your temper, at any price."

On the cultivation of good nature let me suggest a few hints.

Endeavor to ascertain what is that particular defect of temper into which you are most liable to fall; and make a point of setting a strong guard over yourself in that particular. Let this idea be ever present to your mind: "At that weak part of my nature all the miseries of matrimonial life may enter." This will probably be found a hard service; but the necessity of the case obliges you to it. You have the choice of but two things: you must be incessantly vigilant and self-denying here, or suffer

every domestic delight to be torn from you.

But I have another piece of advice to give, namely: Avoid the occasions which excite any unruly temper to which you may be liable. This advice is given to you both with respect to each other. Having ascertained each other's particular imperfection, you have likewise learned what things they are that call it forth. That which provokes your partner must, as far as possible, be shunned.

Here a number of little things become objects deserving attention. Nor must they be passed over because they are little. Little things are felt to have great power when they act upon a tender part. An insect could have blinded Samson when in his full strength. No small portion of the uneasinesses that have imbittered married life has arisen out of the insect occurrences which every day produces; and contemptable as they are in themselves, they must

be watched on account of the mischiefs of which they are capable.

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There is no evil which petty occurrences more frequently generate than disputes; nor are there many things which it is more the interest of the married pair to guard against. "The contentions of a wife," saith Solomon, are a continual dropping." Drop after drop wears a deeper impression than a thousand storms. What therefore is that unthinking woman about who indulges a disputing spirit? who will debate every point, and have the last word about straws? She is forcing her husband into other society, and that, perhaps, to which he has had many objections; all of which, however, are at length overcome by the refuge it affords him from the misery of incessant debate. It is not, perhaps, so much to the commission of the more alarming crimes, as to the frequency of frivolous disputes, that the alienation of married people from each other is to be generally ascribed. I