after this, Aug. 9. I was furprifed with a vifit from Me James Murray, who entreated me to go to Nithfdale, giving good hopes of a comfortable fettlement there. His coming to me at that nick of time feemed at firit to be determining but in the very mean time there comes in one from Simprin, fhewing me, that the Laird had written a letter to one of the minifters; and that the business might yet be done in due time. This put me again to a stand. Thereafter I found the Laird had written to the prefbytery to go on. My inclination was to go to Nithfdale, and I was racked betwixt the two. After prayer for light, I found I durft not yet leave Simprin. 5. I could not but notice my preaching at Simprin on the emptinefs of all things befides Chrift, the only fermon yet preached there by me. On the 12th of August, in the forenoon, 1 studied a fermon of the vanity of the world, on Pfal. cxix. 96. being to preach it in Dunfe; and just when I was meditating on that head of it, the vanity of riches, one knocks at my chamber-door, I opened, and found it was a man from Simprin, who delivered me a letter from a committee of the prefbytery, with the call of Simprin; which did fomewhat damp and difcourage me. Hereby the Lord feemed to try whether I was really in carneft with these things or not. When the man went away, I poured out my foul to the Lord for light, afterwards thought on the bufinefs, got my heart contented, and I thought the Lord ftrengthened me with ftrength in my foul, to wait on and follow the conduct of Providence. 6. The light I have attained in this business bridles my corruptions of worldly-mindednefs, &c. and my own inclinations. And I have attained to a more deep impreffion of the weight of the work of the ministry than before; which, I find, contributes to my clearness as to the accepting of that call. The confideration of these things after prayer, makes it fome more than probable to me that this matter is of God, and fully determines me to go on in my trials, leaving the more full determination of the main thing till afterwards. Secondly, The grounds of my averfion to it. 1. The rarity of the godly in this country. This I found to be but a difcouragement. 2. The very smallness of the charge. When I was confidering the weight of the work of the miniftry, I got a filencing answer to that. 3. The fmallness of the ftipend. This feems to be a temptation. The light I had from the Lord this day hath downweighed this. 4. 1 fufpect I am

more

more useful for God in my vagrant state, than I would be if minifter of Simprin. It may be otherwife. The Lord is to make use of me as he pleafeth. I truly fear it is the pride of my heart that is the fource of this. This however I found could be no juft ground of fcrupling, though a difcouragement and I further confidered, that I knew not what honourable use the Lord might have for me there. I had formerly taken fome thoughts of my call to the preaching of the gospel in general, which are noted in the above mentioned foliloquy, p. 29. 30. [of the printed copy.] And there remained no doubt thereof with me and my clearness in that point had been a good fupport to me, under the difcouragements I met with. Having thus confidered these things, I went to God again, poured out my foul, and laid all out before him and had that word, Matth. vi. 33. "Seek ye firft the kingdom of God, and "his righteoufnefs; and all these things fhall be added

unto you." Afterward I wrote a line for fome books neceffary for me on my trials: and in the mean time came in to me the above-mentioned Patrick Gillis, one of my two praying school-fellows. Him fovereign Providence had entirely laid aside from his design of pursuing learning and with him I conversed a while, and prayed. After he went away, I went to prayer again, with confidence in the Lord, having fuch clearnefs, as faid is. By this time the fun was down: then having given thanks to the Lord, for his affiftance through the day, and for what light I had attained unto, and fought ftrength for carrying me on in the work immediately before me, viz. my trials, I went forth.

It hath cost no small struggling to put the knife to the throat of my inclinations in this affair, and to facrifice them to the good pleasure of God. In the remaining part of that week, I prepared my exegefis de idololatria, exerçife and addition on Eph. i. 5.; and on the 18th, thinking on a text for Simprin, found none, till in bed in my meditations, that word, 1 Pet. v. 5. "For God refifteth "the proud," &c. came to my mind; which I thought I would take, and that in regard I find the pride of my heart creating me much trouble, while I think on the bufinefs of Simprin; for I reckon always, that if I were more humble, I would go on more chearfully in that affair. I was waiting for further light therein, to break up to me from my trials; thinking with myself, that if the Lord

fhould

fhould please to help me in them, it would much contribute to clear me. But after my entering on the study of the exercife, with a pretty good run, the wind fell; and I was left to tug and row in it, and in the addition, even to the end. But behold! this very thing, fhewing me my own emptiness, contributed not a little to the clearing of me, that if I was at all to be admitted to the holy miniftry, it should be at Simprin, as unfit for a more confiderable poft. Thus the Lord brought about what I was waiting for, in a way quite contrary to that wherein I was looking for it.

On the Tuesday after, being the 22d, I went to Churnfide to the prefbytery, by that time disjoined from the prefbytery of Dunfe. Before I went to the pulpit, my cafe, with refpect to myfelf and others, lying heavy on me, did, with my other needs, fend me often to God by prayer. But after one prayer in public, wherein I had fomething of his prefence, my frame much decayed, and the Lord left me much to the weight of my natural dispofition; fear of man fo prevailing, that the glass being run twice, I thought it had run but once, and fo held on; infomuch that the exercife lafted above an hour and a quarter; and they stopped me after delivering a part of the addition. This made me wonder how I had paffed my first trials; but God fits the back for the burden. I overheard their cenfures. That manner of management could not mifs to fret them; but I was approved in that piece of trial, as afterward in the exegefis. The moderator prefented me the call of Simprin, which I received of his hand; but returned it to the clerk, fhewing I would further confider of it. At the dinner I was much discouraged, and was inclined to wish in my heart I might not be fettled in that country.

In the latter end of the week, the frame of my fpirit being bad, and even unfit for study, it was grievous to me in refpect of my circumftances, which called for another temper of fpirit. But preaching at Lennel on the Lord's day, I got fome relief: and on the Monday after, that word, Numb. xxiii. 19. "God is not a man, that he should "lie, neither the fon of man, that he should repent," was exceeding ufeful to me, for quieting my heart, with refpect to all bafenefs concerning me; having fome confidence, that his purpose would be found for good to me, what way foever things fhould go. And on the morrow,

after

after reading for my chronologic trials, I was inclined to pray, and did fo, rolling all over on God.

On Wednesday the 30th, Mr Colden fhewed me, he was forry I had fo far accepted the call of Simprin, in regard a call to Hownam might have been procured. I told him, I durft not do otherwife than I had done; and thewed him a providential step pointing that way; the weight whereof he owned. On the morrow, having perfected my popular fermon, I was edified and fatisfied. therewith. At night I began to think of the near approach of the preíbytery, when I might be required to give an answer to the call. The profpect of this was very heavy to me. I confidered it a while with a fad heart : Dollar was defirable to me; Simprin was not fo. When I thought how God owned me elsewhere, and what converfe I had with the godly in that country, my heart was much caft down, being to be closed up in fuch a part of the country as is most dead and lifelefs. I have little myfelf of life or heat, and I fear I may lofe what I have or have had. I faw then my fin in itching after a fettlement, when the Lord did countenance me fo much in my vagrant ftate. So I poured out my foul before the Lord, mainly with refpect to the prefent exigence. That word, Pfal. xxv. 9. came into my mind. Wherefore my foul defires to lay down itself at his feet. Let him do with me as he will; I am his own.

Sept. 1. Being confcious to myfelf of my defire to follow God's call, the above-mentioned word, Pfal. xxv. 9. "The meek will he guide in judgement, and the meek "will he teach his way," was fweet. I began to think about clofing with the call of Simprin. I think Providence feems to determine to it; but I cannot yet think of giving a pofitive anfwer againft Tuesday next, but would fain have fome days after to think on it, when I am free of other bufinefs: not that I think to get free of it, but that in the ufe of means I would wait for fuch light as may make me go on more chearfully in it, and deliberately, for a foundation for the time to come. So I went to prayer; and thereafter began to think on it; but could not attain fuch ferious thoughts of it as I would have had : fo that I have nothing to mark as the product of it, fave the deceitfulness of my own heart, which is more ready to clofe with any thing than what is prefent duty. On this day, I refolved to crave of the prefbytery the following

week

week further to advife, propofing to give my answer to him who fhould be ordered to ferve the edict, and might act according to my anfwer: for I found not myself in cafe to do otherwife. After this, in the afternoon of the fame day, Mr Colden told me, it was ftill against his will Ihould fettle in Simprin; and that he understood, that Mr Gabriel Semple, minifter of Jedburgh, one of the old fufferers, who in the time of the perfecution was eminently countenanced of God, with fuccefs in the work of the gospel, efpecially in the borders of England, had ta ken it amifs that I was not fent to him; the design where of was to be his colleague, though there was no legal fund for it in the place. This oftener than once had been moved; but I could by no means liften to it: but Mr Colden defired me not to confent to the call of Simprin till he fhould speak with Mr Semple on the affair of Hownam; the report of which conference I fhould have that day eight days. I being, before this propofal was made to me, refolved as aforefaid, had no fcruple in it; but told him, that whatever might be the iffue of that conference, I would not dare to determine the rejecting of the call of Simprin by myfelf: and I was refolved ftill to follow on, in what appeared prefent duty, let the Lord do with me as fhould feem good in his eyes.

On the morrow, Sept. 2. I received letters, but no word about the affair of Dollar. In the twilight, weary with ftudy, I went to prayer, and, with confidence in the Lord, unbofomed myfelf unto him. And, O but a hea venly frame was fweet in my eyes! and I faw how pleafant a life a habit thereof, if I could reach it, would make. On the morrow after I preached at Simprin.

On Tuesday the 5th, I did with more freedom than the former prefbytery-day deliver my popular fermon, and undergo all the rest of my trials, and was approved. At the prefbytery's defire I gave anfwer to the call, and that in the terms I had before refolved upon; but with submiflion. They appointed the edict to be ferved the following Lord's day, and my ordination to be on Thursday the 21st.

Sept. 7. I fet fome time apart for prayer, in order to get direction in this affair. I found no finall averseness in my heart to that duty. After prayer, my thoughts being hard to be gathered, that word caine, Exod. xxxiii. 15. "if thy prefence go not with me, carry us not up hence."